Friday, 16 January 2015

Chocolate croissants à la Nigella Lawson

OCD Panic Rating: 2 out of 5 (generally, it would be a 1 but there was a moment)
Hand washes required: 2

There are times when you deliberately choose something so easy that you couldn't possibly fail.  Something that is probably a little beneath you but which will build your confidence when you utterly smash it outta the park.  A foundation for bigger and better things around the corner.

And then you balls it up.

This is how I feel about my chocolate croissants.  All I had to do was put a square of chocolate in some pre-rolled pastry, fold it up a bit, give it an egg-wash, and bung it in the oven.  Suffice it to say, my end product is not like hers.  Here you go:

They don't look too bad, I know, but there's chocolate leaking out of the sides and they do not live up to their crescent-y reputation. Considering Nigella believed this an easy win for the children to make, my pride very much presaged my fall. 

The preparation process was not helped by some ambiguous info from the lovely Nigella.  The ingredients list calls for 100g of chocolate.  Now, if it asks for that much, I expect to use it all.  Based on the chocolate explosion this caused, I was incorrect.  It also does not specify baking chocolate.  Again, maybe this is because it's fucking obvious, but in my tired and hungry Friday night state, I just picked up the first bar I found.  It was regular cheap milk chocolate and does not appear to have melted at-bloody-all during the cooking process.  Grrr.  I'm not convinced that her explanation of how to fold the pastry was much better.

The OCD moment was one of my own making, I'll admit that much.  I cracked my egg into a bowl (cue handwash the first) then discovered my pastry brush was waiting to be cleaned.  I ended up eggy washing with my fingers (cue handwash the second).  I'm less squeamish about eggs than some things in the kitchen, but it would have been nice to have got away without sticking my hand in the yellow gloop.

The pastry (i.e. the bit I had nothing to do with) tastes lovely.  The chocolate is, well, just a piece of slightly burnt chocolate in the middle of it.  The end product is fine, as it goes, but my dreams of culinary excellence are still a long way off.

Key points:

  • If you're baking and you need to use chocolate, you probably want to be using baking chocolate.
  • EVERYTHING is fuckupable.

Win rating: 2/5

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